Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.
~Barnett R. Brickner
With divorce rates being around 50% in the United States many of you are wondering how to save your marriage. I have been divorced once but from that divorce I have learned how to save a marriage from divorce and I am currently happily remarried and have been for 5 years and counting.
I have learned some things from my failed marriage and the failed relationships before then that have helped me learn how to save a marriage if the need arises. But more importantly it has helped me eradicate many of the problems that cause a marriage breakdown in the first place.
So join me as I share with you my best tips on the ways to save your marriage.
Marriage is a 2 way street
Obvious I know, but you’re in the predicament you are in because at the very foundation you have likely forgotten that a marriage is a partnership.
Partnerships are about giving and taking with an emphasis on giving. Especially if you want to have a long and happy marriage. So step back from your current marital problems and take a look at the big picture. You are at least responsible for half of the problems in your marriage.
Walk a mile in your partner’s shoes
Learning how to fix your marriage begins by also recognizing that not only are you in a partnership but you need to learn how to empathize with your partner’s difficulties or issues within your relationship.
Ideally you should use these strategies to start saving your marriage before it starts but that is not always possible.
So if you’re asking yourself “how to save my marriage today?”, you’ve got to start with climbing into your partner’s small or big shoes. The first part of that is learning to listen as if you were mute. We have 2 ears and one mouth, and I reckon at the very least we should listen twice as much as we speak.
Don’t just lend them your ear
There are 2 ways to listen. Actively and passively. Passive listening is the worst way to listen. You might as well be a puppet. Active listening is really listening and absorbing what your partner says.
Now some of you might be past the point of actually being able to sit down with your partner and listen to their complaints. There might be too much water under the bridge. That’s okay, you can learn to save your marriage by taking account of what your partner’s issues have historically been.
Really take an active role in reviewing those historical tapes and arguments that might have got you to this place.
Leave your emotional baggage at the door
So much of our marital difficulties or relationship problems generally have to do with getting hurt. It can be hard to hear the disappointments and anger and perhaps even resentment that our partner feels towards us.
But it is absolutely critical that if you want to fix your marriage that you leave your emotions at the door before you come on home.
We need analyses at this point in order to determine how we can fix our marriage and what steps need to be taken in order to fix the marriage. So try and listen, really listen with an open heart as your partner tells you what’s wrong in your marriage.
Sorry is a soothing balm
Fixing a broken marriage is not easy. Usually, both parties are caught up in hurt feelings and other emotional baggage that has built up over the years.
Remember that you are at least responsible for half of the problems of the marriage. And one of the best things to do if you want to fix your marriage problems is to start with an earnest apology. Saying you’re sorry can be a magical salve to your marital troubles.
Trying after the crying to change
Don’t promise the world as you’ll be unlikely to accomplish that and your marriage will suffer for it. Rather take what your partner has said and really try to change some behavior that you feel you can.
As adults it is hard to change but not impossible. And if your marriage depends on you changing then you should change. It can be done.
For example, let’s say your partner is fed up with you staying out late on the weekends. Change that habit. Instead of staying out until 2am come home no later than midnight. Find that happy medium with your partner where they are happy and you can still enjoy time with your friends.
If your job is so demanding that you never make it home for dinner, make a renewed commitment to at least make it home for dinner once a week if not more.
Many of these behaviors that upset your partner you can change if you are willing to save your marriage permanently.
In your hour of need take counsel
Perhaps you are at the point where you’ve asked yourself “can this marriage be saved?” Things are frayed and both of you are at your wits end. In this case, perhaps you need to seek professional counseling.
An objective third party can do wanders for your relationship and marriage. In fact counseling is probably responsible for more saved marriages than any other method. Even if you are only going by yourself. A counselor will have a broad view and will be able to guide you and help you see things that you might not have seen yourself.
Your partner will notice this, trust me. And if you take your counselor’s advice to heart your marriage will improve by 50% because you are improving and you make up 50% of the relationship.
Sometimes martial problems come after a baby. It doesn’t matter the reasons, the way through marital problems and to marital bliss is through the steps above.
Sometimes it’s okay to cry over spilled milk
Not every marriage can be saved. But if you’ve tried your darnedest and committed to the advice here and given by well meaning friends, family and counselors then you’ve done your best and you can stand up proud and face divorce if that is what needs to happen.
How to get divorced is easy but should not be the first choice. If you’re reading this you’ve obviously done your best to save your marriage from divorce. But the choice isn’t only yours.
You might be getting a divorce and that is sad. It is okay to acknowledge it and to cry over it. Dealing with depression and divorce is not easy but being able to look yourself straight in the eye and know that you did whatever you could to save your marriage will make it easier.
You can rebuild after a divorce and take these valuable lessons with you into what will become the best marriage you’ll ever have and the last one you’ll have. That’s what I did, and it’s what you can too!