For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
~ Judy Garland
I’ve decided to write about how to prove love today because I think that love is one of those topics that is often misunderstood. If we take a look at the definition of love from the Oxford Dictionary we get: a strong feeling of affection:
The dictionary goes on to add other definitions too like: a great interest and pleasure in something: or as a verb: feel deep affection or sexual love for (someone):
It’s ethereal this thing we call love as most of our feelings are. It is difficult to prove something that is so personally intimate. How would you prove you’re sad. I suppose that feeling is easy, we often see it someone’s face when they are sad, oftentimes they cry and we can empathize with that feeling.
Anger is another feeling that is expressed quite well. Sometimes folks will act violently when they’re angry, they’ll storm around or shout. We can tell also by their facial contractions that they are angry.
But this thing called love can be difficult to see. And why is that we feel the need to prove our love but not a need to prove our hate?
This is where we start to get to the real crux of what I want to write about today.
But before we get there, I must acknowledge that love is an emotion that often doesn’t have overt or obvious physical actions that identify the emotion as love. Our face might be emotionless when we feel our love for someone or it might be smiling.
Many of the physical actions that we use to demonstrate aren’t necessarily only indicative of love. Take for example hugs. We might hug people we love, we might also hug people that we dislike because it is polite or socially expected. In men we often get an erection when we “make love” to our partner, but this is not a definitive expression of love, in fact I’d say it has nothing to do with love but rather a physical response to attraction or lust or horniness. Yes me engage in sex with some of those we love most specifically our intimate partner, but we also engage in sex with just those we are curious or interested in. We also don’t have sex with everyone we love.
Our love for our children or grandparents, parents etc, is a platonic love. So it is difficult to prove our love just through physical actions alone.
And I think that love is not something that needs to be proven or proved. In fact I’d suggest that love is what we feel towards anyone or any sentient being with whom we care deeply about.
That caring is not selfish in any way. We want only the best for them. To see them happy and successful and healthy is the pure expectation of love in it’s purest form. We seek no ulterior motives, we expect nothing in return when we feel real and pure love for someone.
As such this is a love that cannot be proven but it can be experienced. Those of us who have been fortunate to have loving parents have felt this love. We have known deeply that they only wished the best for us and that they often made sacrifices so that we might excel or have opportunities that we might not otherwise have had. They have only hoped for our best and happiness and self fulfillment.
A deep love between two people should be based on this type of love. But unfortunately, I think this kind of love is very rare.
The love we speak of proven or trying to prove is a lustful or insecure love. It is the love or infatuation of becoming intimate and longing for someone. This is hungry love. It is not satiated love or the love that I’m talking about, a self fulfilling love.
This is the needy love where we spend money giving gifts and trying to buy the affection of the person we desire. True that most relationships start off this way but it is the blush of first intimacy the hunger of desiring and coming to know the unknown.
It is not bad to want to shower our loved ones or those we are interested in with gifts, but this is not proving anything. This is not real love.
And if you are being made to feel that somehow you need to prove your love to the person you are with then you are on a bumpy road of unhappiness. This is not the road of love. It is the road of heartache and insecurity and jealousy. This is very far from the sanctuary of love.
Love does not need to proved. A beautiful description of love can be found in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13.